About the Safe Haven Relationship Model and
Emotionally Focused Therapy Model

The Safe Haven Relationship Model is a Christian version of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT is currently the most well-research and successful marital model.

“Couples therapy is the most difficult therapy of all because every session starts with the threat of divorce,” said Dr. William J. Doherty a research, psychologist and author of “His Needs, Her Needs.”

Dr Doherty says: “…I made the most astonishing discovery of all: Most of the marital experts in America (are) failing. It was very difficult to find any (marital expert) willing to admit their failure, but when I had access to actual cases, I couldn't find any therapist who could prove their own success or train others to be successful in saving marriages….In fact, I learned that marital therapy had the lowest success rate of any form of therapy - in one study, I read that less than 25% of those surveyed felt that marriage counseling had helped. A higher percentage felt that counseling had done more harm than good."

Why has marital therapy had such a low success rate?

Most couple therapists are not well trained and do not have a good marital therapy model to guide them. Couples therapy has become individual therapy with both spouse’s in the room. Dr. Doherty says 80% of all private practice counselors in the U.S. say they conduct marriage therapy, yet only 12% take more than one course on dealing with couples.

Many couple therapy models do not have lasting changes. Neil Jacobson’s behavior marital therapy was once the leading model guiding couples counselors. Neil Jacobson claimed his model was the best out there. When he reviewed the long term success rate of his model he found that only 36 percent of couples had lasting changes. He realized ‘the best there is was not good enough.’

Is there a marital model that not only works, but can save a hurting marriage?

It has been a long time coming for a new marital model to shape and guide a couples counselor. For the past 20 years, EFT has been researched, refined and repeatedly shown to be one of the most successful marital therapy models. An amazing 75% of couples ‘recover’ from distress, and 90% have significant changes. The Haven of Safety Intensives show an incredible 85% success rate. This is because EFT gets to the ‘heart’ of a couples distress and aims to help a couple heal accumulated hurts, change the way they relate to each other and find a safe haven in each other. When a couple is emotionally connected, able to understand and accept each other, they are able to face the struggles of life together.

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy and Why Is It So Successful?

In the later 1980’s, Susan Johnson and Les Greenberg co-created Emotionally Focused Therapy. EFT is based on attachment theory stating that a marriage relationship is an attachment bond and when the bond is a secure safe haven, a marriage is healthy and solid. But when arguing and unresolved hurts keep a couple disconnected then their marriage relationship becomes distressed. The focus of EFT is to help couples make sense of the way they argue, unravel and foster a new way of relating, heal hurts and foster a safe haven. EFT has a 75% success rate in turning a marriage from distress to a secure safe haven, and a 90% success rate in bringing about meaningful change. This powerful model gets to the heart of a couples’ distress, & helps a couple turn their marriage around so they can emotionally connect. The changes that are made in EFT counseling are lasting, with research showing that 4 years after counseling with EFT couples are closer and stronger than ever.

What is The Safe Haven Relationship Model?

When I, Dr. Sharon Morris May, was in graduate school, I remember talking to one of my fellow students, Brent Bradley. Confused and frustrated with working with couples Brent ask me a question, “Have you ever looked at a couples conflict through the lens of attachment theory?” Curious I answered, “No.” But eager to know how to make sense of a couple’s arguments and accumulated hurts, I listened. Brent began sharing with me Emotionally Focused Therapy. It transformed how I worked with couples. As I began learning Emotionally Focused Therapy, I was struck by attachment theory’s focus on the importance of the bonds that connect us. It showed how we do better when our relationships are safe haven’s and that it is traumatizing when those we love are not there for us. I realized that attachment theory was describing the very way God created us. We were created as relationship beings. God’s heart for us is to be in close relationship with Him as well as with those around us. God was a God of attachment. Integrating Christian principles with the EFT model seemed a natural fit. To respect the integrity and purity of EFT, I decided to call the Christian version of EFT: Safe Haven Relationships. The Haven of Safety Intensives are based on the Christian version of EFT.